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Striving for the Best Marriage Ever
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Striving for the Best Marriage Ever
by Chez Filippini
At the start of many marriages an important question emerges in the back of the spouses’ minds: Do we have what it takes? The profundity of the vows exchanged and the prospect of whatever life might throw at us over the course of many decades together should lead a husband and wife to search their souls, pursuing all the formation, wisdom and helpful tips they can find to aid them in their journey together. Now it must be said, the sacramental bond shared by husband and wife holds within it all that they will ever need for the life they promise to one another. The Lord’s plan for marriage as laid out in the Gospels (“forgive one another seventy times seven”) and in St. Paul’s letters (“be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ”) is totally sufficient for a life of joy and holiness. However as Catholics we know how difficult it can be to remain receptive to and cooperative with the graces available for our benefit. The work of ministry in the Church is so often a matter of opening our eyes to the wedding feast we’ve been invited to where God provides far beyond our needs.
Over the last several years, Ken and Maria Schaefer of St. Dominic’s parish in Panama City embarked on a mission to do just this in the realm of marriage enrichment ministry. Their aim has been to help spouses navigate the ups, the downs and the everything-in-betweens of married life.
Married now for 24 years, Ken and Maria originally met in Miami before moving to Panama City in 2015. As they grew in their spiritual lives together they felt an urge several years ago to get more deeply involved in marriage ministry.
“We really enjoyed participating in workshops and retreats, which had helped us grow in our marriage. At one point we knew we had to get involved ourselves, that God was asking us to use our gifts to bring marriage enrichment to people in the pews.”
After exploring and discerning various opportunities for close to a year, they connected with Live the Life, a non-denominational relationship enrichment organization headquartered in Tallahassee. Live the Life has partnered with parishes in this diocese at various points to provide high quality marriage programming for people in a variety of circumstances. Both became trained facilitators and soon enough were leading workshops in both English and Maria’s native Spanish.
Learning to present in front of others as a couple can be a difficult skill to master, and Maria noticed this when they took on the primary speaking roles for each session. “The first time we presented alone as a couple, it was kind of weird! During training we always had help from more experienced facilitators, but then, one night, it was just us. We managed to push through it, and thankfully the couples didn’t notice we were nervous. After that we got more comfortable and kept going from there,” she said.
Under the leadership of fellow Panama City parishioner Dennis Stoica, Ken and Maria began promoting the Best Marriage Ever initiative in several panhandle counties. Best Marriage Ever is a combination of statistically proven enrichment programs designed to assist husbands and wives at any stage of life seeking to enhance the quality of their communication as well as their scriptural understanding of their relationship.
They connected with the Cathedral of the Sacred Heart, St. Dominic, St. Sylvester, St. Rose of Lima, Our Lady of Victory and St. Ann parishes, beginning a whirlwind tour to bring this transformative opportunity to people in the pews. They reached more than 120 couples across a four-month span. Incredibly, all of this was provided free of charge to participants thanks to a generous grant secured by Live the Life.
Jack and Monica Bennett of St. Dominic’s parish in Panama have been married 26 years and had this to say about their experience at Adventures in Marriage, the flagship workshop in the initiative:
“Ken and Maria were introduced to us at the lowest point in our marriage, when we needed the kind of help only God’s grace could give. We went through the program and miracles happened. We learned the depth of our value to each other and how to bring that to life for one another. Ken and Maria presented the course with sincerity and passion, making it something that is both a lifeline in rough times but also capable of polishing a diamond. We will be forever grateful for what they’ve done for us.”
Another couple who attended at St. Ann in Gulf Breeze summarized the effects saying, “After this weekend, I realize there is hope for our marriage to become a great marriage.”
Though the work of this ministry is not for the faint of heart and oftentimes can be downright exhausting, the Schaefers have seen the Lord work over and over again through their efforts to draw couples deeper into the depths of love that he calls them into. Ken had this to say summarizing what they have seen God do through these programs:
“It is draining work sometimes, but no matter where Maria and I are personally the Holy Spirit always shows up and flips a switch in us. When you see a couple start out at the beginning of the program and perhaps are not demonstrating a lot of comfort being there together but session by session get closer and closer, it is an unbelievably rewarding thing to witness.”
Interested in bringing Best Marriage Ever or similar marriage enrichment programming to your parish? Visit AdventuresinMarriage.org for more info.